No Words, No Conditions:
This Love that I speak of is hard to put into words, it is like the most reassuring love, it’s never ending, never leaving, always present, kind, gentle, and patient.
It is not a love I know fully in the “human” form, meaning I have not experienced it outside of me with others. The closest is the love a mom may feel when holding a newborn baby after labor or the love of a parent, but even that can be conditional.
This love I speak of has no conditions. It is unconditional, you don’t need to do anything or be anything to receive this love because you are this love.
This love I speak of does not need to be earned, nor deserved. You do not need to do anything to be worthy of receiving this love, you do not need to not do anything to deserve this love.
This love I speak of can bring me to tears of joy, of elation in an instant. I can sit, breathe into my heart, breathe into my Soul, and feel this love from the inside out. When connecting to this love in my heart space, it can come back up like it is traveling through my esophagus and then it meets my throat with a lump that makes me want to cry. This love is so beautiful, and it is in each and every one of us.
I used to think that I needed to earn this love, that if only I could do something or not do something then I would be worthy of this love. Of course, I thought consciously I was worthy of this love, why wouldn’t I be? But unconsciously I was playing out patterns in my life that showed I didn’t feel worthy of the love, that showed I wasn’t good enough to receive the love, I unconsciously believed I needed to do something in order to receive this love, I believed love was earned.
How Earned Love Showed Up in My Live:
I used to work 50-60+ hours per week I always felt behind, like there wasn’t enough time to get everything done. I used to have a common motto, there is too much to do and not enough time. Since this was my belief, it continued to play out in my life. I believe that the same cycles continue in our lives until we become aware of them and bring this beautiful Love to them. I believed that if I didn’t work this much or more that I would get even further behind. I would take vacation but work on my vacation, I would take sick days but work on my sick days. I never stopped. Then I had my home job as a mom, which if you are a mom, know it never stops. It is 24/7. I would go non-stop then when I would play with my kids, I would be thinking about the million other things I needed to do. Sitting down to watch a movie was almost non-existent in my life, I felt so unproductive sitting on the couch. If I sat down for a second and my husband would walk in the room, I would get up. I of course did not realize I was doing any of this until I brought it to my awareness.
I also felt this constant feeling of not being good enough – not being a good enough mom, wife, sister, friend, daughter, co-worker, - you name it – not enough. I always needed to learn more, to do more, to spend more time, just so much more, it was always more and it was never enough, it was exhausting.
However, I kept pushing myself, I learned these “tricks” young – if only I do, do, do even at the expense of my own well-being. Then I will be enough, then I will finally be worthy of the love. If only I get the good grades, the gold stars, the scholarships, the accolades, the promotion, the raises, then I will be worthy of the love. Of course, this is not what my parents or family, or friends meant to do. They loved me. They just didn’t know exactly how to show it because they were not taught unconditional love either.
The Search for Unconditional Love:
I was searching for this unconditional love outside of me. I thought it was given to me for something that I did or didn’t do. I was looking for someone outside of me to give me this love. I was searching but always felt a void, I didn’t necessarily tie it to a lack of love. I typically tied this void I felt inside of me to not receiving an accomplishment or having something that I wanted yet. There was always something more I needed to do.
Even after I started my transformation, I held a belief that if only I remove all these blocks, once I heal all these layers keeping me from the Love that is within me, then… Then I will be worthy of the love. Then I will be worthy to teach the love. But what I realized is…
I Am The Love:
I realized this love isn’t outside of me. I don’t have to do anything to receive it. I don’t have to remove every block and fear to allow it to flow to me because it is within me. I don’t even need to be worthy of it because I am it. I am the Love and so are You. This love has been inside of me this whole time and this whole time I have been looking outside of me. This love that is inside of me is more incredible than any love I have felt outside of me. This Love is the Love I want to share with the world.
This is the Love I to share with you.